Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
