my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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