i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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