Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
