he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
