My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
