gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
