dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
