I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
