Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Is it penis luge time yet?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
