I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
