he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
