We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
