I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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