im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
