It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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