I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
