so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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