ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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