you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
