Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
