I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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