Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
