U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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