I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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