just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
