Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
