Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
