I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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