is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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