took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Randomize
