Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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