Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize