It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
