this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
