Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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