wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
