It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
