There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
