god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Shitshow foam night was such a success
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
