I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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