i barfeds in our rink
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
PANTIES FOUND
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