you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
