grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
