god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
