Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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