420 ftw
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
