If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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