..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
