I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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