Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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