saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize