I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
