I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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