Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
