i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
