he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
