Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
