hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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