ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize