What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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