Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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