Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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