everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Bring me that man meat
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize