Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
