So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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