Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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