Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
