Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
