she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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