Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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