I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize