YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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