She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Someone shit on the floor
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
