I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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