i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
