doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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