i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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